I Kiss the Ground You Walk On

Okay, so I literally kissed the ground you walked on. I ran over to the store to pick up milk so I can actually serve clients a decent cup of coffee in the morning when BAM, I do a lipstand on the concrete. I think I lay there for approximately 1.3 seconds before I sprung up like a little jack in the box. How did I manage this miracle...well I managed because I was horrifically embarrassed. So I jump up, see the couple gaping at me from the car parked by me, the people in the store with their mouths hung open, and as all this registers in my brain, I plaster a smile on my face, quickly check to make sure all parts still move, brush off my tank top, smooth down my shorts and half jog, half lurch into the store, at which point I race to the back as fast as I can before anyone can ask if I'm okay.

By the time I hit the back of the store, I can feel something wet running down my leg, my knee feels like someone just took a baseball bat to it, and my wrist and palm are on fire. Yeah, so I smashed my knee pretty good, cut the front of my ankle, and slammed my right wrist and palm into the ground trying to break my fall.

Now if you were paying attention, you would probably be asking how I managed to cut the front of my ankle. Well, this was accomplished by doing the type of slide you see in baseball games. You know, the one where the guy dives headfirst trying to reach for home plate. In this process, I pointed my toes...well it happened because my damn sandal tripped me up, so I kind of flipped over on my foot and dragged the front of it along as I scraped my boobs across the sidewalk while my right hand slammed down trying to stop my forward motion.

So basically, I've been too busy to write, and had too many frustrating moments to do anything other than swear this entire week...until now. Now, well now I have the time to come here and write some rubbish, since I can't sleep because my knee hurts so bad even the sheet on it feels like a brick of concrete.

Anyway, I've been inundated with work, and while diligently trying to get it all done, my new tenant...who signed her lease on the 1st, has already managed to get me 4 warnings from the condominium board. So inbetween work and kissing the ground, I've been following all the rentalsman guidelines in evicting a tenant. First a verbal warning along with a written copy that is hand delivered, followed by one arriving by mail. Second a written notice demanding they make some changes and have 24 hours to do so...this too is hand delivered, and a copy mailed. Then I go back to see if they made the changes I requested, which they did not, then back to the rentalsman to open a file, then another letter informing the tenant that I've informed the rentalsman and opened a file. Now I have to go back, ensure they still haven't rectified the problem, then go to the Rentalsman again and ask for a hearing...approximately 10 days after that, I will get a hearing. If the tenant doesn't show at the hearing, or the hearing goes my way, then I can give them a 24 hour eviction notice, at which time I can go pay a Sheriff to enforce the eviction.

Does this seem unbelievably unfair to anyone else? The tenant sucks, her family sucks, she's lying, she's broken countless condominium bylaws, and tenancy bylaws...can't I just kick her out?

ARRRGh, hrm there's more, but she's a sneaky little !#@)$(@!) she might find this and I can not let her in on my secret plan. I will tell more when the matter is settled. Suffice it to say I'm feeling rather devious and proud of myself :)

Other than that I've been spending an inordinate amount of time feeling guilty. I owe Carla a poem...literally owe her one and my brain refused to comply. But tonight is the night, I'm sending something to her before I sleep!

Uhh, okay gotta run, I have a damn poem to write.

-Smooch
Swapna
PS I'm smooching you since I already kissed the ground you walk on...it just seemed appropriate.