Familiarity warms the Cockles of my Heart

Yes, it's that time again! What time you ask? Well, it's actually 1:19 am...yes that's right folks, I'm back to my old tricks. It's way past my bedtime, I have an early morning meeting, but I shan't go to bed before I blog. And please refrain from the snide comments about my being MIA this weekend...I needed a computer break.

In any event, nothing that exciting happened. Today though, that was another story. I finally got a hold of the keynote speaker I have been trying to book for our conference. I think he's going to do it! I'm so excited. I'd tell you who 'he' is, but then I would have to kill you. On the other hand, if I wait till it's confirmed, I won't have to kill you. And, well, seeing as killing you when I don't even know who is reading this, might prove rather difficult, I shall save myself a lot of hard work and just not tell you who he is.

Oh wait, I have to backtrack, there was some hilarity this weekend. A friend, unnamed for my own personal safety, came over to visit and gab. She's like family, so we normally sit at my dining table and drink tea and smoke. I said normally! This time the smoking was absent, but we did sit there and drink tea, and well, she has a weak bladder.

Now she is so at home in my home, she and I will be in the middle of our convo, and she will just whisk out to the bathroom, which happens to be right across from my dining room through a very short hallway, plop down on the toilet and pee while she continues conversing with me. One day, someone will walk by my big bay window and see her doing this, but she likes to live on the edge. Anyway, she's peeing, when all of a sudden she rudely interrupts my very important discourse on cat hair removal from black pants with a "Ohhhh! I almost forgot! I finally took a poop at XXX's (her boyfriend's)house!" I think she was so thrilled and proud of herself she almost missed my sarcastic..."HUH?"

You see I was very confused, she stays over at her boyfriend's place most nights. So I couldn't let it go, I had to ask. So I say, "Uhhh you mean to tell me you have never had a poop in his house before?"

"Oh no! I poop there a lot, but only when he's not home."

"Whuuuuut? Are you telling me you never poop when he's in the house?"

"Well, I never did before, but I did now. Pooping takes trust you know. And, I didn't tell him I pooped either. He knows I have pooping issues. If I had told him, he would have run in there to sniff and make a big deal out of it all and call me stinky and such, and that would have set me back years."

"Errrr, okay"

Then we started talking about something else, but I couldn't let it go, so I go back to the pooping topic one more time.

"Wait a minute. If you never poop when he's there....well then what do you do in the morning? Are you telling me you don't poop after you spend the night there?"

"I'm not a morning dump person."

At that point I almost choked on my tea as I gurgled, "What the hell are you saying? Are you saying you don't poop all day!"

"Yes, that is what I am saying. I'm an evening dump person."

"Omg that's not normal. How can you not take a poop in the morning."

"I ALREADY told you, I'm not a morning dump person!"

"Uhh, but when you go to his place in the evening he's there. So when exactly do you poop?

"Well, if I stop at home I take one at my house, but mostly I just take one here."

"WHAT THE @#$)@#)$@(#? You mean to tell me you don't come here after work because you want to visit and have tea, you come here to poop?"

"Yeah. You have a problem with that?"

"Uhh, do you shut the door when you poop?"

"Yes, haven't you ever noticed that?"

"Well I just thought you closed the door when you thought there was a chance someone would walk by the window, and later you just got lazy."

"Oh no, the first bathroom break is my dump break, after that it's all pee."

"Wow, that means you poop fast cuz I never noticed."

"Yes I do."

Then we talked about other things for another half an hour or so. As she was leaving though, she had to mention the reason she has all these pooping issues is because one day, many, many, many years ago, when she was at her grandmother's home...it happened. She went over there and had to poop, so she went into the bathroom and pooped. While she was still in the bathroom her uncle stopped by. He walked into the house only moments before she left the bathroom. As she was walking back to the living room he yelled out at her, "God XXXX (unnamed friend)! That's one stinky shit!"

Apparently that traumatized her and since then she has been unable to poop in the presence of men, in most other people's homes...or in general, I think, as she does often complain of constipation.

And that was the most interesting conversation I had all weekend.
Now I shall head for bed, and as I fall asleep, I know I'm going to be asking myself...omg why didn't I ask her what trust in a relationship has to do with pooping?

Night night!
Swapna