Yada Yada Yada

Okay, so it's 2007, and I have lots of excuses (real and imagined) for why I haven't been here, but why bother. Might as well start fresh. Actually, I'm too agitated to rehash old news. I feel like kicking someone in the teeth, or screaming at someone, basically I want to pick a fight. Why do I want to pick a fight? Well, because it's been approximately 36 hours since I had my last cigarette.

Yeah, what a loser am I....setting my sights on quitting smoking for the New Year. Actually, I'm an even bigger loser than that, I not only said I would quit smoking, but I said I would eat healthy, exercise more, write everyday, take two classes to further myself, and finish all my renovations in the house. I'm sure I made even more promises to myself, but at the moment I can't think straight.

Anyway, I not only made these resolutions, but I actually wrote out lists. For example, I made menu plan for this week, went and got the groceries and am trying to stick to this crap I decided I could subsist on. Fine fine, it's not that horrible, Im just irritated. Okay then I made a list of things I have to do daily, and posted it on the fridge so I can highlight each item as I do it. But since I don't want a huge messy list on my fridge, I put abbreviations for everything. So basically my list looks like this:

Mon DS, J, W, CL, P, Pr, G
Tues DS, J, W, CL, P, Pr, G
Wed DS, J, W, CL, P, Pr, G
Thur DS, J, W, CL, P, Pr, G
Fri DS, J, W, CL, P, Pr, G
Sat DS, J, W, CL, P, Pr, G
Sun DS, J, W, CL, P, Pr, G

Food (1-10)
Work (1-10)
(I'm supposed to rate myself as to how I felt I did for that week regarding food and work)

Now the big thing to this fantastic list, is the legend, which is not posted anywhere. DS stands for Don't Smoke, G stands for take out the GARBAGE, J is journal or blog, CL is clean the cat litter, W is walk, P is deliver one item from the porch, PR is pray

All fine and dandy till, 30 hours after posting the list, I walk upstairs and can't remember what PR and DS stands for. Fortunately, I managed to do the PR one as I prayed for assistance to remember what DS stood for. However, I finally gave up and just decided it stood for Dare to Sing. So I sang my heart out for about 20 minutes this morning until I finally remembered it meant DONT SMOKE....

Errrr, at this point, I know I'm not supposed to smoke, I don't need a stupid sign on my fridge reminding me, every freaking moment of my day is consumed with thoughts of inhaling and letting the smoke do some french dance as it floats up my nostrils, every time I blink my eyes I wonder why they aren't watering from the smoke in them, every time I cough it turns into this big - hack until you heave up a piece of lung moment, and every time I walk into a different room I can actually smell the stupid air freshener, so I think I know DON'T SMOKE....GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Alright, I put it there, it's my own fault, but it makes me want to flog myself or something. Although, the singing was actually kind of fun this morning.

Btw, I know those are dumbass things to do every day, but those are the things I let slide...and man, once those go, I'm in big trouble, then everything begins to fall apart. And well, the garbage and the porch became a huge issue when I redid my kitchen and decided to rid my house of any and all extraneous items. We were well into winter during the kitchen reno, so bags and bags of garbage were just heaved out my back door. Unfortunately, we also received a record breaking amount of snow, so now the bags are stuck outside my back door with no way to drag them to the back gate, or open the back gate for that matter. So basically, I have mounds of huge black bags of reno materials in my back yard. My goal is to drag one of them to the car every day, and then drive it around to the back and dispose of it. Basically, by February, I should be litter free in the back yard.

Then there is the porch...because I was renovating, and cleaning house, I decided I should get rid of anything I hadn't used in a long time, no matter how nice it was, or anything redundant. So I had things like, dishes, pots, pans, microwave, microwave cart, end tables, coffee table, lighting fixtures, kitchen table, 6 chairs, two antique chairs, toaster oven, shoes, clothes, bedding, carpet sweeper, vases, cutlery, glasses, clothes hamper, blah blah blah... It was like I had an entire house on my front porch. Sadly, most the charitable organizations felt they were at capacity with donations so they didn't want anything but my clothes, which left me with a lot of crap on the porch. I've tried giving the stuff away, but I'm down to the things people have yet to pick up, or things no one wants. So basically, I'm trying to grab one item a day and drive it to a donation box. If I get the junk gone and there are things my friends have said they want, but haven't picked up, then those will be donated as well. I want my yard and my porch empty by February dammit!

Ugh, I shouldn't think about it, it makes me all irritated again. Oh and get this, my stupid nicotine patch won't stay on, so I'm really mad now. I need to go to Shopper's Drug Mart and ask for a new box, but I'm scared to leave the house right now. If I had to speak to anyone, I think I might actually spit on them or something, I'm so edgy, mad and irritated.

On the bright side, I get to mark off J in just a moment and I think this venting has helped.....well at least a little bit.

Okay, tomorrow's post shall be less ranting and more ruminating!

Ciao
Swapna