In response to Ptooey

So Anita decided to "ptooey" me not once but twice...I think that along with Jean's comment about how nice it was to see me blogging again, and Carla wondering what I am doing, is far too much shame for me to bear, so here I am.

Last post I mentioned the Vegas trip, well it was fun, and I came back having spent only a hundred or so dollars, so I did quite well on those darned penny machines. But you don't care about that, you want to hear all my hilarious stories. Alas, they were few and far between. But do not despair I have a couple for you.

The first day we arrived, mom and I flew in ahead of everyone else, so we had to wait for everyone to arrive, and so we figured we get down to some gaming right away. Within fifteen minutes of being on the casino floor, at least 3 guys had offered to buy me a drink. This might not seem so odd...but check it out. The first guy caught me off guard so I just said thanks but no thanks. The second was so drunk I just moved away, the third was rather slimy looking so I had to retort. The conversation went something like this.

Slimeball: "Hey"
Me: "Hello"
Slimeball: "So are you winning beautiful?"
Me: "Uh...umm...er...no, no I'm not."
Slimeball: "Well let me cheer you up beautiful, why don't I buy you a drink, what do you want?"
Me: "Uh...did you just say you wanted to buy me a drink?"
Slimeball: "Yeah, what do you want to drink?"
Me: "Hmmm, let's see, I think I kinda of want to slash your throat and drink the blood that gushes from your artery."
Slimeball: "WHAT THE ???!#@$@?#$@??"
Me: "What else do you expect me to say dumbass, the drinks here are all free you cheap moron!"
Slimeball: "Freaking weird baaahtch" (yes he said baaahtch instead of bitch)
Me: Retard

What is most sad about this conversation is that I was politically incorrect, I wasn't rather witty, I was already kind of in a bad mood since I was tired from travelling, and despite all that, this one conversation made me laugh so much I kinda kept hoping someone else would come and offer to buy me a drink so I could continue to try and freak people out.

Another funny tidbit for you...convo between me and my brother shortly after telling him about the above story.
Bro: "Vegas is kind of depressing"
Me: "Why? Because it's geared towards an excess of everything, money, food, drink, sex?"
Bro: "Naw, it's more about the 70 year old men with hot babes on their arms and not one chick taking a second look at me. Although when you take a closer look at them you can tell those chicks are kind of hardened."
Me: "Hardened, what do you mean?"
Bro: "Well you can tell they've been around the block or something, they just look harsh, I mean check those two out."
Me: "They look kinda hot to me. In fact that old guy they are with doesn't look so bad either and he's probably rich, I can see why they are with him."
Bro: "Freaking weird Baaahtch"

I laughed so hard I almost peed, and to tell the truth, those women were harsh looking and I don't even think I could see the guy they were with. Anyway, enough of them and on to more of Vegas. For anyone who hasn't been...it's bizarre. Seriously, the strip is a string of hotels with casinos, all connected via this intricate maze like walkway system that is designed to keep you inside malls and casinos forever. I think the idea is to stop you from ever seeing the light of day. Not only that, but even the hotel rooms are designed to keep you awake. The beds are set right next to windows that overlook the strip with flashing neon lights, so no matter how many curtains, blinds and blankets you throw up, there is still some flashing light seeping through. Then, if you have to get up to pee in the middle of the night, the only light you can turn on in the bathroom is like a megawatt light that floods the entire room waking everyone up. And see, I'm not exaggerating...our room was set up so the door to the bathroom was an archway, leading into a huge space with a circular tub for oh I don't know, four people, and then a half circle marble counter with two sinks and it's completely surrounded by windows. Once you walk around the entire tub you get to this little cubicle at the very end where you have your toilet and there is actually a door on that little room. Problem is, there's no separate light for the toilet cubicle, so if you want to turn on the light, which you have to do in the night, you end up lighting up the entire bathroom and light spills out through the archway on to the beds where your companions are sleeping.

Oh and then, okay let's say it would take five minutes to walk from point A to point B if you were outside on the sidewalk. Well, it takes 15 minutes to get to the sidewalk, since you have to go through the casino and mall to get there, then once you reach your destination you spend another 15 minutes walking through another casino and mall to get inside. It's all so weird. I have to admit it was fun walking through all the hotels though, and checking out the architecture and grandeur. Honestly, we were in one hotel, and my brother was two hotels down from us, since the conference had booked his rooms. But to get from our hotel to his took about 25 minutes when it was not even a full block away. And you could head outside and try and bypass the malls and casinos and just use the outdoor walkways, although it would still take the same 25 minutes since they are built in such a round about way, but then you also risked your life since they were all polished marble walkways. I swear my toes have never hurt so much. Walking with flipflops seemed so dangerous I ended up gripping my shoes with my toes in an effort not to wipe out.

And then there are the people in Vegas. What a variety! You have your tourists in shorts runners and tshirts, your young touristas in sexy, revealing outfits, and your young couples with the girls dressed in sexy evening wear with stilettos, and the guys wearing tshirts and jeans. What's up with that? Ooooh and at night, omg I have never seen so many women with their boobs about to fall out of their dresses. Talk about sluttywear....it was a festival of next to nothing clothing time.

Finally you have your Vegas shows. We went to Mama Mia, which we all thoroughly enjoyed, then V the variety show, which we all liked too, though not quite as much, and finally we went to Showgirls...you know one of the longest running shows that is a typical Vegas show. So yes, it was a topless show. Anyway, I spent the first ten minutes trying to find one girl in the show that had boobs that jiggled. Seriously, nothing jiggled on any of them. They have this weird way of walking so nothing in their upper body moves...then I spent the next ten minutes checking out the guys butts. Some of them seriously could have cracked walnuts with their butts. Finally I spent another ten minutes marvelling at the set, the elaborate costumes, the number of people in the show, etc. After that I spent the following 90 minutes sleeping. Yes, I fell asleep. My brother woke me up near the end so I wouldn't miss the grand finale. He and I were sitting separately from the rest of the family, so we caught up with them later. Once we were all back together I asked where Mom and her sister Kavita were, apparently they left early because they were tired. I asked my sister what part she liked the best, she said she had no clue because she fell asleep, I asked my Aunt Shara what she liked, she said the guys butts, and I asked my sister's husband what he thought of it...basically he summed it all up. "It was a parody of itself. I've never been so fascinated by something so bad."

So there ya have it, that is my Vegas trip. Well there was more to it, but it's just more of all those excesses!

Next blog will be all about how I came home and created some sort of horrible short circuit that blew my server and my laptop to smithereens, so I had to buy new computers and have had no luck in retrieving any of my old data!


Ciao!
Swapna