The keys to a successful birthday week!

Omg I'm so pathetic, however you can't yell at me since it's my birthday. Of course, feel free to berate me tomorrow.

Anyway, time seems to be slipping through my fingers like water...drip, drip, drip...damn it's all gone! Aw well, no time to whine about it, instead I should do something about it, which is why I am here. Birthdays are a funny thing, they can make you happy, they can make you sad or depressed, or in my case, they can just be a pain in the butt.

I think this is the first time in history I can remember thinking I really don't give a hoot about my birthday, and yet, everyone seems to want to do something with me. Now if we look back at past years, I was craving, and I mean CRAVING attention...alas I never got enough of it for me. Now I tell people it's just another day and I'm don't care about presents or doing anything special, and everyone seems to feel as though that is somehow extremely depressing and wrong. In fact, I think people think I'm depressed. Truth is, I'm busy! But I've been reprimanded enough about being so lacksadaisical in my attitude that I did decide to do some thinking about myself and my birthday.

For anyone who has read this blog in the past, you will know I have a neverending supply of desire when it comes to bettering myself. Of course I usually fail miserably, but I still have the desire. So anyway, I started thinking about what I would like to change about myself this year. Once again I get on and off the non-smoking bandwagon...falling hard, bruising my ego and other sundry bodily parts, and yet I try again, but this year I want...no NEED to quit. I hate the darn addiction, so it's on the top of my list. The other thing I realized is that in my quest for balance in my life...I have no balance. None whatsoever.

If the truth be told, I love blogging, it's not a chore, it's a way of relieving the inner stress built up from thinking rude and hilarious thoughts about others and yourself, and yet never feeling it's quite the right moment to spit it out. On the blog, I can trash myself or others as much as I like...so yes, I must put regular blogging back into my life, just to achieve some balance. Not to mention the fact that blog has managed to bring some very special people into my life, and when I do not blog, they too fall by the wayside BAD SWAPNA BAD!


Okay so quitting smoking, blogging and what else, oh yes, Sleep. I am sleep deprived individual. Why? Not because I don't have enough hours in the day to sleep, and not because I'm so overworked I'm up late at night slogging away, but because I'm a procrastinating moron. That's right, I procrastinate about sleeping. I mean seriously, why sleep when there are other things to do. Of course when I'm sitting in a meeting and feeling my head suddenly make that horrid jerking motion, I know I've carried my zest for insomnia too far. I'm probably not even an insomniac, I just keep myself up so long that it doesn't seem worth it to go to bed, or I go past that magical moment of sleepiness and get my second, or third, or fourth wind.

You know, there are many other things for me to look at when it comes to balance, but seriously people, I rarely achieve all the goals I set for myself, so maybe I should be realistic and just concentrate on those three. If I don't post within this coming week...I'm already failing, how's that for a happy birthday thought!

Hey, speaking of birthday thoughts, this one makes me laugh my ass off. Okay the first part doesn't make me laugh, but the end result does, so now bear with me while I go through the convoluted evolution of this scenario. Since Dad died, I now think of my life in terms of Before Dad and After Dad. Everytime I try to think back to when something happened, I wonder whether it was while Dad was alive, or after he died. Consequently I have just given up on remembering dates. I forget what year I graduated in...that's just BDD (before Dad died), I forget when I last went to visit a relative, I only know it was ADD (after Dad died), and the only dates I do keep in mind are the ones regarding appointments and even they are short lived. It's like I stick them in short term memory and once the appointment is over, bam my memory is erased.

Anyway, as part of this new system my brain seems to have committed itself too, I seem to have forgotten how old I was. For the past year I have been telling everyone I was 42, and then a few months ago I started saying I was 43..since, well darn it, it was so close to my birthday I might as well admit I'm 43. Slight problem...I turned 42 today. This information was brought to my attention by a close friend, otherwise I swear I would be telling everyone I was 43 today and probably by tomorrow I would have been saying I was 44. So basically I have been lying to everyone for over a year. Now as much as this does not pose a problem for me in general, it has turned me into one of those women who lie about their age. Now everyone thinks I'm one of those women who stop celebrating their birthdays and say they are 29 forever...only none of them can figure out why I would possibly want to be 42 forever. Er wait....it is 2007 isn't it?

Other age related moments of short-lived hilarity have also ensued. For instance, I am seriously starting to feel the effects of what I will term the "scatterbrain syndrome". Apparently, once you hit 40, your ability to multitask decreases drastically as does your short term memory. On Monday I was getting ready for work and as usual was going to be right on time when I hit a small snag. I couldn't find my keys anywhere, so I tore my house apart. I mean seriously tore it apart, throwing cushions off chairs, whipping open every drawer in the house, emptying every purse I own on to the counter, checking the fridge, the freezer, the car, the door of the house, my pants pockets, pants I wasn't even wearing, all my coats and nothing. No keys were to be found anywhere. Sadly the clock kept ticking away and now I was starting to get very panicked. I don't mind being right on time for a meeting, but I hate being late. Finally I decided I would call my mother and ask her to drive like a maniac to get me and then run me to the office. Then I decided, no that would take too long so I decided to get the extra set of keys out and use them. Fortunately, my brain did not fail me, so I found them right away. Armed with my car keys, I grabbed my uhh purse...I'm not sure what you call it since I carry everything in it including my laptop and extra shoes, and headed out the door. DOH I hit the door and realize I can't lock the door since my spare set of keys are just for the car. Ugh, okay time to get the extra house keys. Ermm, bad news, at some point in the past I had decided that putting all your keys in one spot is not a good idea in case you are ever burglarized, so my house keys are somewhere else. Now really, why do I really give a damn if the burglar finds my house keys or not? I mean he's already in the house...

Anyway, I had to find the house keys and that took a bit longer to do than anticipated but I did find them. So out the door I went, locked it behind me, ran to the car, threw in my bag/purse thing and headed for the office where I was 2 minutes late for my meeting. After the meeting I was heading out to an appointment with someone else and we decided to take my car, so I go to grab my keys...er I couldn't find them. I check the desk...nope, I check the meeting room, nope, I check at the reception desk, nope...Just as I was about to give up hope I spotted them on a big box in the hallway. How they got there is beyond me. So anyway I scoop them up and off we go. The appointment went well and finished early so I decide to stop in and visit mom when are finished. Crap, key issue AGAIN. I don't have keys to mom's place since these are just spares, oh well I will just buzz her. However, once I reach her place, someone else is going in the building who knows me so they let me in, I get to mom's condo, bang on the door and she's all happy to see me, so we have a quick visit...which turns into a long visit. Finally it's almost 8:30pm and I'm bagged, I still have work to do at home and so I go to leave. Errr, where are my keys? After about 3 minutes we locate them on the kitchen counter and off I go. Finally I get home, park the car and head for the door. Oh right, these are the spare car keys, my house keys aren't on this bunch, they must be in my bag/purse thingy. So I start fishing in there, but can I find them...noooooooooooo. Finally I empty my entire bag on the front steps. Guess what I found, that's right, my regular set of keys but no house keys.

So now my extra house keys are floating in the world of Saskatoon, but my regular keys are safely ensconsed right next....er wait...where the hell did I put them? GAH I give up!

Love ya lots,
Swapna